Breaking Benjamin Page 7

  We talk for hours, her also sharing her story with me, until we finally grow quiet and just sit in each other’s company. Sometime during the night, or early hours of the morning, we both drift to sleep on the couch, her safely encased in my arms. As her soft breaths whisper against my bare chest, my heart is fuller than it’s ever felt before.

  My eyes flutter open as little rays of sunshine dance across my face. Ben’s arm is draped over me, and I can hear the steady beat of his heart. A warmth spreads through me and my lips curl into a smile. I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to keep reality at bay for just a little longer. I inhale his scent, a faint trace of his cologne mixed with my perfume. The scents complement each other perfectly. I focus on his breathing, and everything inside of me just wants to sneak a peek at him while he’s sleeping.

  I carefully slip out from the warmth of his arms and momentarily regret it. I park my backside on top of the coffee table and just stare at him. The cold surface under my barely covered ass bothers me at first, but that is forgotten as soon as I lay my eyes on him. He’s sleeping peacefully and smiling contently while doing so.

  What in the actual fuck? What is happening to me? Who the hell do I think I am, Edward from Twilight staring at people in their sleep? Mega creepy. But fuck me if I don’t see the attraction now that I am the one doing it. I stare at him a little while longer, watching his gorgeous chest rise and fall. As I study his tattoos, I resist the urge to touch them, to trace them with my fingers. I feel my heart rate accelerate, and the butterflies are back. There they are again. I tell myself. I silently chuckle as my inward voice is singing those words with me. I blink.

  “No,” I whisper.

  My eyes widen when realization hits me. I am falling for him—hard. I am fucking falling for Benjamin Sapphire. Suddenly, the butterflies make way for feelings of doom. Panic seizes around my throat. The little nagging voice in the back of my head tells me that a man like Ben doesn’t stick around for the long run, and here I am stupid enough to let myself fall for him.

  He makes a little growling noise, and it startles me. He turns over, and I release the little breath I didn’t know I was holding. I have to get out of here. I am wearing Ben’s shirt, and I know I am going to need a little more than that to get home, so I stealthily get up and tiptoe to his bedroom. I gather my clothing, which is scattered all across the room, and shrug into my jeans. I pull Ben’s shirt off, which still smells of him. I can’t stop myself from bringing it to my nose a final time to inhale his scent before placing it on his bed. With my own top back on, I find my heels at the foot of the bed.

  But I don’t put them on yet. I don’t want the clicking of my heels to wake Ben. I go in search of my jacket, knowing that my cell phone is in the pocket. I don’t have to look far; it’s hanging on a rack close to the entrance. I press the elevator button and am relieved when the doors slide open. When I step into the elevator, I press the button to go to the lobby and slip my heels on my feet, my heart beating in my throat.

  I’m grateful I didn’t wake him. I cannot bear the thought of an awkward goodbye. He got me in his bed, like he wanted, and now it’s done. And that’s okay. Ugh, that’s a lie. It meant so much more to me, but I need to cut this off before I get in too deep. If I am falling for this man already, after just a couple dates. Who’s to say what I’d feel like in a few weeks? I’m not sure if I’d survive it.

  “I’ve made the right decision,” I tell myself as the doors slide open.

  When I get out of the cab, Rae is standing at the curb with some cash in her hand. Mikaela is pacing behind her. I didn’t take my purse to Ben’s last night, and I had no money for the cab I hailed. Tears burn behind my eyelids when I see my two besties. I sent out a 911 text on my way back and here they are. No questions asked, they are just here.

  Raeva hands the cabby the cash and tells him to keep the change. She turns toward me and must see the look on my face because she immediately pulls me into an embrace. That’s when the dam breaks. In the middle of the street, in the brisk New York City morning air. While hordes of people buzz around us.

  “Awe, honey. Shhhh,” she says as she ushers me into our building.

  Mikaela has walked ahead of us and called for the elevator. We walk into it, and when the doors slide to a close, I realize that for the first time since I moved in to the building, I didn’t even greet the doorman. I’m not sure why I am focusing on that right now. We ride up to the penthouse, but nobody says a word. The elevator is filled with echoes of my not so silent sobbing.

  I’m not sure why I am crying like this; I feel ridiculous. After all, I am the one who snuck out of Ben’s place. I am the one who allowed myself to start falling for him, and I am the one who fell into bed with him. The elevator door opens, and we step into the hallway just as Mika is stepping out of their penthouse. I use my sleeve as a makeshift hanky and wipe my eyes. When his gaze lands on me, his brow shoots up and his eyes flicker from his wife to his sister before landing back on me again.

  “Is everything okay?” he asks.

  Raeva stalks toward him and gets on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips. “Yes, baby. Just girl stuff.”

  He looks at me and gives me a half-smile and a nod. “Okay then, I’ll guess I will let you ladies get to it then.”

  Mika kisses his wife and walks over to kiss his sister’s cheek. Then he stops in front of me and places his hand on my shoulder. “I’m not sure what is going on, but whatever you need, I’m here.” Then he leans in and kisses my cheek as well.

  I smile weakly at him as I thank him, but I am genuinely grateful, because I know he means it. With that, Mika turns and steps into the elevator, and we turn and step into our penthouse. We head straight for the living area where I curl up onto the couch, and the girls follow suit.

  “So, Jillybean, are you going to tell us what happened?” Rae asks.

  I nod.

  “Did he hurt you?” Mik asks.

  “No.”

  My two friends share a look.

  “You had sex and it was terrible?” Raeva says as she wrinkles her nose.

  “Oh, God no. I mean, we had sex. In fact, the best sex of my life is more accurate.”

  She looks at me skeptically.

  “I swear. Ben is great. Last night was amazing.”

  The two of them look at me confused.

  “So, I’m not sure what the problem is,” Mikaela says.

  I sigh. “I like him.”

  Mikaela frowns, but Raeva’s expression shows me that she gets it.

  “You like him and you’re running,” she says, matter of factly.

  I nod once more. “But it’s not as simple as that, guys. I am a realist. This thing was never going to work out. Sure, Ben likes me just fine. But I am not the kind of woman that a Sapphire wants to settle down with, and I can’t allow myself to let this get any further.”

  Raeva shakes her head. “Jillybean, I flove you. You know that. But I wouldn’t be a good bestie if I didn’t tell you this; you realize that you are your own worst enemy, right?”

  “Being realistic is being my own worst enemy?” I snap back.

  She chuckles. “Defensive much? You know you only get like that when you know for a fact that you are wrong. Just saying,” she retorts smugly.

  I roll my eyes, but even I know that the irritation I feel toward her right now is misdirected. The person I am really angry at is myself. The thing is, I’m not sure if I am annoyed because I let myself catch feelings, or that I ran from them like a coward.

  “Listen, you can still change your mind. You snuck out? He doesn’t need to know you did. We can always tell him that you had an early meeting and didn’t want to wake him?”

  I shake my head. “No, I can’t see him again.”

  “Jilly—”

  “No, I mean it,” I interrupt sternly.

  They both hold up their hands.

  I sigh again. “Listen, I know it’s hard for you guys to understand, but I am doing this
to protect myself. I just can’t risk him breaking my heart. I know he doesn’t intend to, but that is where this will end—in heart break. And I need to break things off before it gets too hard to do so. Besides, I am doing business with them. I should have never mixed business with pleasure.”

  My besties share another look, and I know that they are skeptical. But, never the less, they pull me into a group hug.

  “If that’s what you want, we support you,” Mik tells me.

  There is a knock on the front door, and the three of us look at each other. There is another knock, and we all just look at the door for a moment before, finally, Mikaela rises to her feet and goes to answer.

  Rae and I duck down on the couch and peek over it as she opens the door. We both chuckle when we see it’s just Mark, one of Mikaela’s assigned security guys. He hands her an enormous bouquet of white lilies, and I already know who they are for and whom they are from. My stomach knots up as Mik approaches me. She places the flowers on the coffee table and plucks out the card. She holds it out for me, but I shake my head. I can’t bring myself to read it because I know that the words on there will be perfect and that my resolve will weaken the moment I read them.

  “Are you sure?” she asks.

  I swallow hard, press my lips tightly together, and nod my head.

  “Do you want to keep the flowers?”

  I can’t look at them without feeling an ache in my chest, so I shake my head. She nods thoughtfully, proceeds to pick up the flowers, and walks toward the kitchen.

  Rae scoots closer to me and wraps her arm around me. She pulls me closer and hugs me from the side. “Honey, I can’t say that I understand your reasoning, or even that I agree with it. But I support whatever it is that you want, okay?”

  I lay my head on her shoulder and nod.

  Chapter 8

  It’s been three days since I woke on my couch to find my arms empty and Jill gone. Three days of unanswered texts and phone calls to her. Three days that I’ve sent bouquets of her favorite flowers to both her office and her penthouse. Two days of calls to Mikaela, demanding she tell me what’s wrong with Jill, and still no answers, only evasion. Mikaela says she’s extremely busy working and hasn’t seen her to even speak with her. Fucking girl code. I know without a doubt Mikaela’s covering for her.

  What I don’t understand is what the hell happened between her falling asleep in my arms and her disappearing from thin air the next morning. What the hell happened that she won’t answer any of my calls or texts? The night we spent together was one of the best of my life. I have never felt a connection or as open with another woman as I do with her. There is no way I am letting her run away from me now.

  I punch the bag in front of me one more time for good measure and then lean my exhausted body against it in defeat. I’ve been punching the shit out of it for the last two hours, and my knuckles are red and swollen. I’m surprised they haven’t bled out under the tape yet. I’m going crazy waiting for some kind of message from her and at my wit’s end over what I should do next. Letting out a deep breath, I push myself off the bag and head toward the shower.

  After rinsing off two hours of sweat in steaming hot water, I change into a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I decide to go see the one person who might understand more than anyone what it’s like when the woman you crave just disappears.

  Leaving the building, I walk outside into the crisp fall air. It’s days like this that I wish I could still ride my bike. I’ve talked to some guys that have had their bikes modified to allow them to be able to ride again, but I just haven’t gotten that far yet. Instead, I walk into the alley beside my building and slide into my Dodge Charger. It’s a badass car and makes up for the fact that I can’t swing my leg over a bike on afternoons like this.

  I put the key in the ignition and turn it, the engine roaring to life, and for good measure, I press on the gas, revving it loudly before I shift into reverse and out into traffic. I’m in front of our hotel on Park Avenue in twenty minutes and hand the keys to the valet driver who greets me by name as I exit the vehicle. “Keep it close. I won’t be long.”

  “Yes, sir.” He doesn’t give me a tag. He knows who I am. Being a Sapphire definitely has its perks. I stroll through the lobby of the hotel to the elevator and press the floor number for his office. The elevator glides to its destination in seconds, and the doors swish open for me to exit. I stride down the hallway and smile at Felicia, sitting at her desk outside the large dual-office doors of my destination.

  “Mr. Sapphire!” She smiles and exclaims in surprise. “Is the other Mr. Sapphire expecting you?”

  I stop short of her desk and grimace. “Felicia, please, for the hundredth time, just call me Ben.”

  “Oh no! I could never do that, Mr. Sapphire.” She shakes her head so hard you would think I just asked her to crawl across the floor on her hands and knees and lick the dirt off my boots.

  “Really, you can. Actually, I insist.” I watch as her eyes pop wide in shock at my order. “Just call me Ben. Mr. Sapphire is my father and makes me feel old.”

  “Okay, um, Ben.” Her face turns an extremely dark shade of pink as she says my name, and I can’t help the smile that forms on my lips. It’s the first smile it’s formed in days. “The other Mr. Sapphire,” she lowers her voice to a whisper, “Drew,” she continues uncomfortably, pointing to his office doors, “he’s in. He’s alone, so you can just go on in.”

  It’s strange, but I just want to give her a hug to let her know that her protection of my brother, and her need to show us so much respect, doesn’t go unnoticed and is appreciated. But, of course, I don’t. I can only imagine what color she would turn then. Instead, I gently pat her hand as I thank her and then move past to knock on the door.

  I don’t bother waiting for an answer before I enter. Drew’s attention shifts from his computer, a look of surprise and then subtle annoyance crossing his face as it lands on mine. “Ah, I should have known. Only you enter unannounced, Benny Boy.” He leans back in his chair and shakes his head lightly, steepling his fingers in front of him as he does. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

  I cock my head as I plop myself into one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. “Why’s that?”

  “Jill Baldwin’s disappearing act?” he counters smugly.

  “How the fuck do you know about that? I haven’t talked to you in almost a week.” I sit up straighter in the chair, anxious to see what information he has.

  “Oh, I’m not supposed to know a thing.” His brows raise as he shakes his head. “And, believe me, I wish I didn’t. But those women had a little hen session the other day, and it’s all I’ve heard Hannah talk about since.”

  I widen my eyes and wave my hands in exasperation. “Well, what the fuck is going on?”

  “Apparently, Jill had some kind of melt down about how she may or may not be feeling about you and has gone into retreat mode.” He shrugs his shoulders.

  “What the fuck does that mean? Retreat mode?” I question hotly.

  “Jesus, I don’t know, Ben.” He runs his fingers through his hair and then lets out a long sigh. “She’s been burned pretty badly in the past by a couple of men. Not just one, from what Hannah says. I think she’s cagey about trusting or caring for anyone again.”

  I shake my head in frustration. “Drew, I’ve been nothing but a perfect gentleman to this woman. Done everything I can to assure her I’m on the level here. I mean, I shared shit with her that I’ve never shared with anyone. Not even you.”

  I flinch as I see an expression of hurt slide over his face and then just as quickly disappear, and groan inwardly that I’ve offended him. I continue in an effort to try to explain my way back into his good graces. “It’s just different with her. Even though we haven’t spent a lot of time together, I feel like my soul has known her forever. She’s awakened something in me.”

  “Look, I get it, Ben. I was there with Hannah.” He chuckles as his eyes roll back in memory. �
�And you know how hard it was for me to get her to see me and believe she wasn’t wrong for doing so.”

  “So, what the hell am I supposed to do now? Not see her? Sit around and wait? Not being able to talk to her and fix this is driving me crazy.” I stand and walk to the large window behind my brother and stare down at the park entrance below.

  “Go find her, man.” He rises and comes to stand next to me. “Funny story.” He points to a bench sitting just to the left of the entrance. “When I thought I had completely lost Hannah, I found her sitting in the pouring rain, right there. My destiny was sitting right outside, and all I had to do was go down and make her mine.”

  I look over at him, my brows creased. “What the fuck is your point, Drew?”

  He rolls his eyes and slaps a hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to wait for her to show up, Benny. You know where to find her. Go get her.”

  “Yeah? Just like that? Go invade her space?”

  “Yeah. Just like that.” His hand grips around my arm and shoves me in the direction of the door. “What the hell are you waiting for? You’ve got nothing to lose, right?”

  I tilt my head, shrug my shoulders, and meet my brother’s challenging look. “If this makes things worse, I’m gonna come back here and kick your ass, little brother.”

  “You can come and give it your best shot. Now, get the hell out of here.” He scoffs and points to the door.

  Ten minutes later, I’m back in my car and headed to Serenity. My gut tells me that’s where I’ll find her. She’s completely invested in her company, and I’m guessing she’s buried herself in work. I’m not sure what I’m going to say when I see her, but I pray, when she does come face to face with me, she’ll tell me what the fuck is wrong.

  Another fifteen minutes later, I pull into a parking garage a block down from the spa and then quickly walk the distance to its entrance. It’s after four, and the waiting room is empty and quiet. I’m assuming they are probably done taking appointments today, and most likely are in the process of finishing up whatever clients may still be in-house. No one’s at the front desk, so I take a seat in the lobby and wait for someone to appear.