Breaking Benjamin Read online

  Her eyes crinkle as she scrunches her forehead and looks directly at me as her voice, soothing and sweet, leaves her mouth. “We’re all broken, Ben. All of us, in some way. Won’t you even try and give us a chance?”

  I let my head fall back as I blow out a long breath, my eyes closed as I consider what she’s asking me, and then bring my gaze back to hers. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Her teeth clench around her bottom lip, her cheeks flushing pink as she looks up at me from under her lashes, and then release it. Moving herself closer to me, her next words come out in a whisper. “Not being with you hurts more.”

  That’s it. I’m done. It’s all I need to hear. I slide my hands behind her head as I pull her body flush to mine and finally, finally, seal my lips against hers. Her hands snake under my shirt, against my bare skin, and wrap around my back as she holds on to me. I don’t care if this ends with my heart turning to stone. There is nothing I can do to stop the floodgates she’s just opened.

  This isn’t what I came here to do. I came here to rip him a new one. But, now, all I want is to rip every last article of clothing he’s still wearing off his body. His lips are on mine, his tongue invading my mouth, our breaths becoming one. My entire body is pressed tightly up against him, but it still doesn’t seem close enough.

  I moan into his mouth, and he responds by grinding up against me, demonstrating just how much he wants me, too. Hands are everywhere, as if neither of us can decide where we want to touch first. Ben tears his lips away, panting, his eyes locking with mine as he rests his forehead against me. Has he changed his mind again?

  I stare back at the hazel eyes that I always seem to find myself drowning in and am rendered speechless. The virility in his disposition is the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

  “If we do this tonight, Jill, no more running. I’ll be yours. Every piece of my brokenness will be yours, and you… you’ll be mine.” He trails his lips from my forehead, slowly moving down until he’s peppering my neck with small kisses and little nips. “Every last fucking inch of you will be mine. Is that what you want?” he questions.

  I can’t find my voice to speak. I’m too mesmerized with him, too consumed with need. So, I just nod. I tremble as his tongue slides across my clavicle. “Say it,” he growls. “I need to hear you say the words.”

  “I do. I want that,” I manage to croak.

  That seems to be all he needs. In a flash, my dress is pooled around my ankles, and I stand before him in only my black lacy panties and Rae’s knee-high suede boots.

  “Jesus Christ, Jill. No bra? Are you trying to kill me?”

  I suck my lower lip between my teeth and swing my head back and forth. “It didn’t work with the cutouts on the dress.” I step demurely out of the material around my feet and push Ben’s shirt off his shoulders and let it swish to the floor. A mischievous grin appears on my face, and I push against his chest, indicating that I want him against the wall. He cocks his head and raises his brows in delight and willingly obliges.

  Darting my tongue out, I run it quickly over my lips and look up at Ben as I sink to my knees in front of him. I undo his belt, then his button, and grab onto the metal tab of his zipper and slowly pull it down. Using my hands, I push his slacks down, making sure to pull his boxers down as well as I go. His magnificent length springs free and stands in attention in all its glory.

  I wet my lips again. I want to taste him so fucking bad. I’ve not taken my eyes off his once, and I feel an electric spark run through me at the desire in his eyes. I smile, wrap my hands around his cock, and then slide my mouth over its wide crown. I stroke his length with my fingers as my tongue swirls around his head.

  I suck, alternating between gentle and just a little rough. His hands grab hold of my hair, and he rocks his hips against my mouth. I relax my throat and take him—all of him. I don’t take my irises off his when he hits the back of my throat, moaning around him instead, thrilled when I see his head finally fall back, a long groan escaping his lips. The little sounds he makes every time he slides in serves as motivation to keep going, but Ben has different ideas.

  He slides out of my mouth, pulls me to my feet, and then hoists me up in the air over his shoulder. I yelp when he smacks me gently on my lace-covered bottom and then practically purr at the warm feeling that spreads after. When he reaches the bed, he tosses me onto my back, my body bouncing slightly on its soft surface, and I break out in a fit of giggles. I like this man-cave act he’s displaying.

  He sits on the edge of the bed, removes his prosthetic, and then rolls over on his knees and begins prowling toward me. “My turn,” he says with a wicked grin on his face. He pushes my legs apart and buries his head between them. I can feel his hot breath through my panties, and I gasp. His large hands grip either side of my lacy underwear, and in one smooth move, he pulls them off, turning them into scraps.

  A surprised squeal escapes from me and he chuckles. “I’ll buy you new ones,” he mutters before diving back down. I forget about the damn panties the second his tongue makes contact with that little bundle of joy that he seems to have zeroed in on. He sucks and nibbles and licks long strokes up and down and up and down, driving me to the brink of insanity.

  His stroking stops, and I feel the heat of his mouth cover my entire core before he sucks, hard. I come off the bed, and he pushes me down with one hand. “Uh-uh, you stay put right there, baby.”

  His talented tongue keeps playing with my clit as he thrusts two fingers inside of me. “Yes.” I nearly come right then and scream out loud. He plunges his digits in and out of me, changing directions and applying pressure that has me writhing underneath him, all the while continuing his oral pleasure. I can feel my orgasm building in the depths of my belly, and I beg for it, for the sweet relief my body so desperately aches for. “Ben, please,” I whimper.

  “Ben, please what?” he teases.

  “For God’s sake, Ben, I need to come.” I gasp.

  He smirks before he takes me in his mouth once more and sucks my clit roughly, and I combust on the spot, screaming his name loudly as I fall over the edge.

  I hear the ripping of foil, and before I even have time to come down from my orgasm, he positions himself over my throbbing core and plunges inside of me in one smooth stroke. All of him, every last inch, fills me completely, and I finally feel whole.

  He stills for just a moment and then begins to rock against me until we are moving in tandem. It feels incredible; I don’t want this pleasure to ever end. Just as I think those words, he pulls out of me, and a loud yelp of protest falls from my lips.

  But before I can vocalize my discontent, he grips my waist and flips me over onto my belly. In one second flat, his hands slide to my hips, lifting them, and then he thrusts his cock back into me from behind. I rock my ass back into his hips, a moan of pure bliss rolling out of me.

  One hand snakes across my belly and grasps onto my breast, while the other holds on to my hip, his grip tightening as he begins to move, and I mean really move. Long moans fall from my lips as my core starts to tremble once more. I know what’s coming and I want it. I want it so, so bad.

  “Oh my God,” I croak over and over until I explode around him and collapse forward onto my chest, my ass still in the air. He grasps my hips tighter as he starts to chase his own release, pounding into me without mercy. Inwardly, I beg for him come, while simultaneously praying he’ll never stop.

  I wake up tightly nested in Ben’s strong arms. When I try to move, he clutches tighter.

  “Don’t you even think about it,” he grumbles.

  I chuckle. “Geez, Sapphire, I was just turning around.”

  He loosens his grip, and I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around him. “Good morning,” I tell him with a smile.

  He kisses the top of my nose. “Good morning.”

  “I hate to be all cliché about this, but I have to ask; what now?”

  Ben rubs his nose against mine. “I’m not sure what now. All I kn
ow is that I am miserable without you, and I don’t want to be miserable. “

  “I was miserable without you, too,” I confess.

  “Then let’s not be miserable together,” he says, smiling.

  I giggle, then tease, “Oh, how poetic.”

  Ben cups my face in his hands and angles my head so that I am staring directly into his eyes. “I wasn’t kidding last night, Jill. You’re mine now. You chose me, broken and all, and I am not letting you go.”

  “I need you to hear me when I tell you this, Ben,” I tell him earnestly. “I am lying here naked in your arms, not just physically naked, but emotionally stripped down. For you. Just for you. I’ve not shared this part of me with any man before, but I want to share it with you. You may think that you are broken, but dammit, so am I. But when I am with you… Ben, when I am with you, I feel whole.”

  A tear rolls down my cheek. Ben leans in and kisses it away. “Well, shit.”

  I frown. “What?”

  “Your speech just blew mine out of the water.”

  I roll my eyes and playfully slap him on the chest. Ben grabs my hand and brings it to his mouth. “I’m sorry for being a complete asshole last night. Can you forgive me?”

  “Can you promise me it will never happen again?”

  “I solemnly swear,” he says dramatically.

  I grin and kiss the tip of his nose. “Then, yes, you’re forgiven. But you better apologize to River.”

  He grumbles but concedes. “I’m glad you came over to rip me a new one,” he says with a smirk.

  “Stop trying to beat my speech. You won’t win,” I admonish jokingly.

  “Fine,” he tells me before flipping me onto my back. “But I bet I can show you a bunch of things I am a winner at.”

  “Oh? Those sound like fighting words to me, Benjamin,” I tell him with a smirk.

  “I think I’m up for the challenge,” he counters, his eyes turning dark and sexy.

  I look down where his need his pressing firmly against my belly and then back up at him. “I’d say that’s more than obvious.”

  “You better get ready then, Angel, ‘cause the games are about to start.”

  Chapter 13

  Two glorious months later…

  I roll over and smile when my eyes land on the angel taking up residence across half my bed. She’s managed to pull almost all of the covers off me and has them wrapped haphazardly over her body, one naked leg curled over the top, seemingly holding all of the blankets prisoner. She starts out at the beginning of the night curled up against me like a kitten, and every morning ends up like this.

  I move to the side of the bed, fit my prosthetic on, and then rise silently, glancing at the clock. It’s still early, just a few minutes after seven in the morning. Then I smile again because I remember what day it is. It’s Christmas, and I couldn’t ask for a more perfect gift to wake up to on this day. To have her here in bed every morning when I wake up is still a surprise to me.

  But here she is, like she has been almost every single morning since our blow-out at Indigenous back in October. Every single fiber of my being wants to force myself back under the covers and wake her up in a way that will never have her thinking about Christmas morning the same way again, but I don't. We were up late last night celebrating with Mika, Raeva, and Mikeala, and I know we have another busy day ahead of us, so I tiptoe out of the enclosed space and head toward the kitchen.

  When I reach the room, I press a button to open just the kitchen window shades and stare in wonder when I see the sky outside. Large, fluffy snowflakes are floating down through the air, landing on every available surface to create an enormous blanket of white. I walk closer to the window to marvel at its simple beauty, my heart filling with joy at everything I have to be thankful for today. I’ve always thought New York City was beautiful, but witnessing the scene before me leaves me stunned.

  Warm hands wrap around my waist from behind, and I sigh as Jill presses her body up against mine, her head resting on my shoulder. “Good morning, handsome.”

  “Merry Christmas, my Angel.” I turn in her arms and cup her face in my hands, placing a kiss on her lips. “I was trying to let you sleep. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  She smiles up at me and leans forward to press her lips against mine again. “You didn’t. I had to pee.” She giggles and then pushes her body against mine in a hug. “And, Merry Christmas to you, too, babe.”

  I hold her against me, close my eyes, and savor this simple moment with her. It doesn’t last long because she pushes against me and does a little hop-dance move in front of me, her hands clapping together. “Do we finally get to open presents?”

  I throw my head back as I laugh out loud and then beam down at her. “How old are you, Jill Baldwin? I don’t even think Gracie gets this excited.”

  “Ben,” she drawls out in frustration, “you’ve been making me stare at wrapped presents under that tree for two weeks. I can’t take it anymore!”

  I bend down, peck her on the nose, and deliver a slap to her backside that causes her to jump out of reach with a squeal. “Well, my little impatience, you’re going to have to wait ten more minutes because this man needs coffee.”

  “Ugh.” She scampers over to the coffee maker and begins preparing a pot for us, looking over at me while she does, and sticks her tongue out. “Fine, but only because I desperately need a cup, too.”

  I grab creamer for her out of the fridge and place it on the counter near her, dropping a kiss on her head as I pass, and then continue past to pull two mugs out of the cupboard for us. I hand them to her, and she scoops one sugar and some of the cream in a mug, leaving the other as is. We’ve developed an easy routine that I, for one, never in my life imagined would happen for me.

  “Do you want me to open the rest of the shades, or leave it a little dark so we can enjoy the lights on the tree?”

  “Open!” she exclaims with glee. “I want to watch the snow falling. It’s so pretty!”

  The coffee is almost done brewing, so she fills both mugs before carrying them over and handing one to me. We move in unison to the tree and, without words, both sink to the floor in front of it, looking at the lights twinkling above us, and then smile.

  “Ben?” Her voice is soft and quiet as she says my name.

  “Yes?”

  “This is so beautiful, and it’s so romantic, but if you don’t let me open a present right this minute, I swear I’m going to scream.”

  I chuckle and set my coffee on the floor beside me. “Oh, my little Angel, always so anxious.” I reach under the tree, pluck out the first gift I have for her, and place it in her eager little fingers.

  Her eyes light up, just like a kid on Christmas morning, and she rips into the packaging, tearing it to shreds as she does. She’s left with a flat, 8 x 10 box, which she spins around in her hands a few times, shakes, and then finally tears open. She flips the tissue paper open and pulls out the envelope laying inside, her brows creasing in curiosity as she looks up at me.

  She lifts the fold and then pulls out the contents, revealing two plane tickets. I wait a minute as she reads the destination, and then grin broadly when she looks up at me, her eyes wide with wonder. “Bora-Bora?” She looks back down at the tickets again as if she can’t believe they are real, and then back up at me. “You’re taking me to Bora-Bora?”

  I nod enthusiastically, so fucking content that she’s happy with my gift. “I overheard you talking with Rae one day about your dream vacation, so…” I shrug and point to the tickets. “Because, baby, I want to make all your dreams come true.”

  She drops the tickets and lunges herself against me, her arms wrapping tightly around my neck as she hugs me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ben.” She pulls her face back enough to press her lips to mine for a few seconds, delivering enough passion to make me want to drag her back to the bedroom, and then pulls away to look at me. “You are seriously the most amazing man I could have ever hoped for.”

 
I kiss her now and pull her back into my arms for another hug. “You deserve this and so many other things I intend to give you, my Angel.”

  When we release each other, I can see she’s blinking rapidly, but don’t worry because I know it’s happiness. I’ve given this to her, and it fills me with a peace like none I’ve ever known.

  She reaches under the tree to grab a present for me, but I hold up my hand. “Wait, I’ve got one more for you.”

  Her mouth falls open and then just as quickly, closes and forms a smile. “I was going to complain, but no, if you want to give me more presents today, I’ll take them.” She’s bouncing up and down, her legs under her, and holds out her hands for another offering.

  I laugh and then reach under the tree again to pull out a smaller box, wrapped in pretty gold, sparkling paper and place it in her wiggling fingers. Again, no hesitation, just ripping, the paper sitting in shreds on the floor in seconds. She holds it up to her ear, shakes it lightly, and then lowers it into her lap, lifting the cover off the small, square black box.

  She gasps when the lid is off, her hand flying to cover her mouth, her wide eyes jumping up to lock onto mine. Her hand slowly lowers from her mouth, and my name rolls quietly from her lips. “Ben…” Her gaze shifts back to the box and then to me again. “This is beautiful.”

  I reach over, slide the box from her fingers, and run my fingers lightly over the contents. “I had this made just for you.” I lift the necklace out of the box, undo the clasp, and then lean forward to secure it around her neck. It’s a delicate gold chain, and on the end, her name has been spelled out in diamonds. It looks stunning on her.

  “The first time I ever laid eyes on you, it was in a dazzling gold dress covered in a million diamonds.” I move my gaze from the necklace to look down into her eyes, now even more moist, and offer her a warm smile. “You were the most stunning woman I had ever seen, but you wouldn’t tell me your name.”